The best gift I ever got was for Christmas when I was 10:
My very first suture kit.
I used it until my fingers bled,
and then I tried to use it to stitch up my fingers.
Thank you for meeting me.
You're the chief of surgery. If you page I'm here.
It put me on the path to becoming a surgeon.
I want to say something.
I need to say something
about what happened the other night. I need you to know it wasn't...
Well, it isn't what you think.
Oh, I don't think anything about your personal life, sir.
I had a problem, a long time ago.
I was diagnosed with alcoholism. Or I diagnosed myself,
and I didn't take a drink for almost 20 years.
But I think it was a misdiagnosis.
I'm not saying my drinking wasn't bad, because it was.
But there is such a thing as... situational depression,
and I think that's what I was suffering from,
and it escalated my drinking.
Situational depression?
- Your mother. - Yes, she escalated my drinking too.
Have you told anyone what you saw? Have you told Derek?
No. No.
Since I took a step back from surgery,
I've had some time to really look at our residents.
And your work, your raw talent...
...is extraordinary.
A lot like your mother's.
And since I have some time, some extra time, um...
...maybe you would like a mentor.
Maybe I could teach you some things.
Have you ever done a two-layered continuous suture for an anastomosis?
My point is,
sometimes the best gifts come in really surprising packages.
No.
Take a seat.
You're about to.
Wait.
Oh, it's Teddy. I love it when it's Teddy.
OK.
Don't you think it's strange he's mentoring you at night
and still not talking to me?
Since the merger, it is impossible to get OR time.
- And who is responsible for that? - That's what I'm saying.
- I need all the help I can get. - I say he is using you to get to me.
- He is not! - Then why now?
Why are you suddenly seeing so much of him?
I'm done talking about this.
If you want to stay mad, stay mad, but I'm just gonna be here kissing you.
Oh, my God! That is the biggest pseudoaneurysm I've ever seen.
It's at the suture line of the transplant. Her new heart is dying.
- Damn it! - Poor guy that brought her in,
- I think they were on their third date. - Doesn't look like a heart anymore.
That's because it's not.
It's a chunk of useless flesh that has to come out right now.
You're taking the heart out? What are you gonna replace it with?
I don't know.
We're gonna have to figure it out as we go.
OK, wait, let me get this straight. You removed her heart?
- Yes. - And she can live that way?
Like, what?
Like a vampire?
Usually you'd connect a ventricular assist device to the heart,
- but since she doesn't have a heart... - Dr. Altman attached two, um, devices
to her blood vessels.
This machine now pumps the blood through her body,
which is basically, um, a miracle.
I really like her... I like her a lot, but we've only had four dates.
I'm supposed to have Thanksgiving with my family, you know?
She was gonna join us, and now she's like a...
She can really live without a heart?
If you don't want to stay, we have a great nursing staff, great doctors.
She'll be in good hands.
No, you know? She doesn't even have a family.
And if it was me, I would want somebody here, so I'll stay.
OK.
Tucker and Little Tuck are both fine.
I know, I'm sorry I have to work today and on Christmas this year.
Yeah, Tucker and I were hoping to bring him home to visit you.
Mom, um, I have to go.
Happy Thanksgiving, Mom.
You didn't tell your parents about the divorce?
How long are you gonna keep that a secret?
When you started dating women, how long did you keep that secret?
- OK. - What?
- When did the bleeding start? - This morning. He's had these before.
I just... I've never seen a nosebleed go on like this.
There's blood on Timmy, Mom.
Mr. And Mrs. Jacobsen, can I see you?
Go ahead. We'll be fine.
Nicholas has what is called an arteriovenous malformation.
A cluster of tangled blood vessels in his brain, what's causing the bleeding.
In order to stop the bleeding, we need to remove it.
You mean like brain surgery or?
I'll do everything I can to protect the brain tissue and minimize damage.
I'm sorry. I know it's scary, but we have to go in right away.
Excuse me.
I'm looking for Dr. Mark Sloan.
Um, see the dude who was burned trying to deep-fry a turkey?
Sloan's the guy making him scream like a girl.
- Dr. Sloan? - Yeah.
Hi. Uh, so this is a little weird, but, um...
...my name is Sloan Reilly, and my mom's Samantha Reilly.
And, um... I'm pretty sure you're my dad.
Hi. How's it, uh... going in here?
- Great. - Fine.
OK. So...
...have we broached the question about the paternity test?
'Cause I brought supplies.
She's 18. That's not very much younger than me.
It's not that shocking, actually. The way Mark got around before he met you?
There could be a gaggle of Sloans. Sloan Jones, Sloan Smith,
Sloan Sloan.
Mean.
Oh, damn it.
Son of a bitch.
I can't access the feeders.
So what does that mean?
It means I can't get at it. I can do a temporary fix.
But once he starts bleeding again, which he will,
there won't be anything we can do.
So we're just gonna send him home to die?
Happy Thanksgiving, Jacobsen family.
- Nice day. - A little chilly.
Yeah.
- It's brisk, though. It's not cold. - Right.
Look, Teddy...
No. I know.
I don't... I don't understand.
You said that he would die without the surgery,
and now you're telling us we're supposed to just take him home?
Well, I've stopped the bleeding temporarily,
but the only way to remove the AVM safely is through the sinus.
Why don't you do that?
There are no instruments that can maneuver through a nasal cavity
this small and get the appropriate angles.
Why not? Who does that?
Who invents those things?
Mark.
Now might be a good place for you to say something.
Out loud.
Dude, are you, like, high or something?
- Sloan... - Yeah!
- Yes? - Heh. Mark, I need you on something.
I have a daughter, Derek, an 18-year-old daughter.
I am too young to have an 18-year-old.
It's a nail in my coffin. It's like death has come to call.
OK, can we put a pin in your existential crisis for a minute?
No. That's why they call it a crisis.
Dr. Robbins and I have a six-year-old with an inoperable AVM.
We need your help to make it operable.
This is the best Thanksgiving ever.
No obnoxious relatives, no stupid traditions.
No going around the table and saying what you're grateful for.
Talk about what we're not grateful for.
- The merger. - The Mercy Westers.
They're like the plague. I mean, stealing all our surgeries,
eating all that pie in the nurses station.
- You're doing that wrong. - I am not.
You are. Can I show you?
Private lessons with the chief.
Man, those daddy issues are working for you.
I don't have daddy issues. He's teaching me.
- You're his bitch. - In that case, you're Teddy's bitch.
Maybe that's my problem. I'm nobody's bitch.
You were lzzie's bitch.
- You're the bitch. - You know what? It's Thanksgiving.
- Can we just have no name-calling? - Yeah, please.
Just... Show me that stitch again.
- Hey! - Hey.
Hey.
- Hi. - Hello.
Welcome. Happy Thanksgiving. Who wants wine?
- I do. - No, you don't.
Um... Hey, everybody.
Well, the results are in.
It, uh, turns out Sloan was right about her parentage.
I am her dad.
So here's another thing to be thankful for.
Lexie, Sloan here is gonna move in with us for a little while.
- Oh, my God! - Oh!
Ouch.
Just ease up.
Let the suture do the work for you.
It's like a dance, you know.
You let the needle be the man, let it take the lead
and let your hand just follow.
Look at that. I haven't seen skill like that since...
...since your mother. That woman, she could dance.
You should make up with Derek. It's Christmas, it's time.
You need to take perpendicular bites, about a millimeter apart.
- How's it feel? Still tingling? - Oh, it's fine.
- I pretty much have full sensation. - Great. Good.
So...
Have you? I mean, you think you can ask her how long she's planning to stay?
Mark, it's been a month,
and you've exchanged three sentences with her.
Two of them were, "Pass the cereal."
In the spirit of the holiday, maybe you can ask her yourself.
She's pretty easy to like once you get to know her.
Really?
No. She's a vapid, vapid girl, but she's your daughter, OK?
So try. OK? Try to be her dad.
Go.
What are you looking at, you old perv?
- Dad! - Merry Christmas.
- Your mother sent me. - Oh. You heard.
Your cousin said something to her husband in front of your niece,
who said something to your younger niece who said something to your mother.
- I was planning to put a tree up... - And where's Tuck?
He's back East with Tucker's family. He was with me for Thanksgiving.
So it's true. You are getting a divorce.
It's weird.
No heartbeat.
I used to climb mountains, you know.
One time I did the Inca Trail. It's four mountains in three days.
The second day there was this climb, it's eight hours straight,
and you are so tired and the air is so thin, you don't even talk.
All you do is climb.
And it's just you and your breathing
and your heartbeat pounding in your ears.
It's just hard getting used to no heartbeat.
And I'm getting tired.
Really tired.
I know.
You know what? You just need to hang on until New Year's Eve.
There's a lot of drunk drivers, a lot of brain death. It's organpalooza.
Kelsey, you just gotta hang on, OK?
You'll hike again, you know?
We'll hike together.
It's such a beautiful world outside this hospital.
It's snowy and quiet, cold.
And perfect.
So, you know, you just gotta make it until New Year's Eve.
- I need to go outside. - What?
I might die, we all know that. I might die really soon.
But snow is my favorite thing in the whole wide world.
It's my favorite thing.
Please.
Please, OK?
- I'm sorry, but... - We can do that.
We can do that.
I wanna bolt. I want to quit, I want to... go back to New York
or... I don't know, Arkansas.
Somewhere no one can come looking for me.
I don't know how to talk to her. I don't know what she wants from me.
It's the guilt, you know?
It's how every time I look at her I just...
The guilt is like a punch in the gut every day.
Well, you shouldn't feel guilty. You didn't know.
I did know.
I knew when her mom got pregnant.
She told me. I gave her a couple hundred bucks and I left town.
I never saw her again. I figured she got an abortion.
Hoped.
But I did know.
Well, you're a different guy now. You're not 18 anymore.
You've grown up. You're capable of better.
Nicholas is back in the ER. He's got a nosebleed, bad.
- I've tried to stop it for an hour. - We can't operate. We're not ready.
Then I'll admit him and keep transfusing 'til the equipment's done,
which is gonna be soon, I hope?
Um, hello. Are you Bailey's... I mean, Miranda's dad?
William Bailey. You can call me Bill.
OK. Hi, Bill.
I'm Callie Torres, I'm a friend of Bailey's.
She mentioned that she snuck you in here, said I should come say hi.
- So what's that she's doing down there? - That's a hernia repair.
We get a lot of hernias at Christmas.
Lots of people lifting trees or heavy gifts or Santa bags.
It's... We get a lot of broken bones, too, 'cause of the weather.
Oh, I had this, uh, this guy earlier,
he got an electric shock from some Christmas lights.
The shock was so big that it broke both of his wrists.
- Whoa. - Yeah.
- Anyway, I'm dating women, and... - I'm sorry?
Oh, I'm... I recently started dating women,
and my family had a really hard time accepting that.
But, you know, we worked through it, and, um...
Bailey said that you're having a hard time with her divorce,
which I totally understand, but I...
I wanted to say that she didn't come to that decision lightly.
And she's a good person, and...
Merry Christmas.
Did Hunt ever tell you about the time that he made snow?
No.
His guys were feeling the holidays pretty bad,
so Hunt orders one of those snow makers on Christmas Eve.
He tries to get the thing going, but the minute the snow hit the sand, it melts.
So Hunt blindfolded his guys
and made them put their faces right up to the snow blower.
There was this one kid from Minnesota,
he actually cried and he said it felt exactly like Christmas at home.
Ooh, Hunt.
Hunt's so delicious when he's tending to bloody soldiers.
- Love me some Hunt. - Shut up!
So, how was the view?
I have been a proud father.
Your whole life, I have been a proud father.
Your mother and I sat in the front row of every dance class,
every oboe recital, and we cheered.
We sat in the front row of every graduation.
I was always the first one on my feet and the loudest one in the crowd.
I have been a proud father.
And today, Miranda, I sat in the gallery
and I watched you repair some fat man's hernia,
and for the first time in my life I felt ashamed of you.
This is what you do on Christmas?
For this you traded your husband?
For this you traded your child's family?
So you can work all day and go home alone on Christmas
to an empty house, without even a tree?
I have been a proud father...
...Miranda, but I would be a bad father today if I didn't look you in the eye
and tell you that you have made a terrible mistake.
You broke your family, you set your son up to fail.
And the child I raised...
...she was raised better than that.
That's something you don't see every day.
She could code, or the monitor could short out.
Teddy's a brilliant surgeon, but I don't get how she made this call.
I get it. It's patient care.
And Teddy's always been a sucker for Christmas.
Oh, my God! Kelsey!
From your X-rays and CT, it looks like part of your bowel has died.
It's a side effect of your poor circulation, it's why you collapsed.
Just fix her, OK?
She can't have come this far to... Just fix her.
We're gonna need to repair this as soon as possible.
The more time we wait, the more bowel dies.
But how? She's septic, hypotensive, and she has no heart.
Her pressure's too low for general anesthesia. She won't survive.
Then... we won't put her under general.
This goes through the nose, through the base of the skull,
and then I drill the bone off.
Well, what happens once you drill the holes?
We put miniature staple clips on the vessels.
- With what instrument? - We don't have it. Not yet.
But we will, we will. We're, uh, still trying to figure out how to build it,
but we're on it.
I would like an invitation to your home for Christmas dinner.
I know it's very late for me to be asking for such an invitation
given that it is, in fact, Christmas Day.
However, I have a very worried father,
and if I don't look like I have some sort of life, he'll never leave.
I have a bowel infarction to repair,
and then after that I'll be free to come to your home.
- Sounds fine. - Oh, absolutely.
- Thank you. - Chief cut off funding for equipment.
- What? - What?
We're way over budget. Nicholas is running out of time.
We want our bonuses to go towards finishing the prototype
- for Nicholas Jacobsen. - Sorry, you can't do that.
- But it'll be like a donation. - They're our bonuses.
There are no bonuses, that's what he's trying to say.
There are no bonuses this year. I'm sorry.
Merry Christmas.
I'll write a check. How much?
- I'll split it with you. - Thank you.
I have a teenager. What if she wants to go to college?
- Have you met her? - Fine, I'm in.
Thank you. I'll get back to you with numbers. Shep.
Chief?
I'm sorry I tried to fire you.
And in the spirit of the holidays, I was, uh...
I'm sorry.
You're not serious. You got him a snow globe of Seattle?
What? He likes Seattle.
I gave you fifty bucks. Where's my change?
Um... Ahem. Mark?
Your kids are bickering.
- Have you talked to her yet? - I'm working on it.
Your sister's got a ready-made family there.
Don't worry, she didn't forget about you. She invited you, right?
He's drinking.
Isn't he? Richard?
He's off the wagon.
Well, he's drinking egg nog. It's Christmas.
Everybody drinks egg nog at Christmas.
Some people do. Recovering alcoholics don't.
He's not an alcoholic. That was a misdiagnosis.
Is that what he's telling you?
Meredith, he is a surgeon and he is drinking and...
...he is an alcoholic.
That could quickly become catastrophic.
Were you drinking when I was a kid?
When you left me with my mother and got another family and never looked back?
No.
No, I didn't start drinking until much later.
Well then, we can't blame the world's evils on alcohol, can we?
Oh, yeah!
- It hurts. - I know.
Surgery with only a local anesthetic is not ideal.
Hang in there.
OK, you're OK.
It's gonna be OK. I'm here with you, all right?
Hey, hey! No tears.
No tears at Christmas.
No, it's only, uh, lights...
...and snowmen and...
...songs. Um...
Come on, now.
- Karev. - No, thanks.
- Sing, Yang. - No, I don't... I'm Jewish.
Don't play the race card with me. Sing or get off my service.
You too, Karev.
The house looks beautiful.
- Thank you. - Callie?
- Working. - That's too bad.
- Here, you need some stuffing. - Thanks.
- How did Kelsey do? - Well.
- Who's Kelsey? - Uh, girl with no heart.
I had to do a laparoscopic bowel repair
while the poor thing was awake on the table.
Miranda, mind your manners.
Even if surgery is your whole life,
it doesn't mean you have to talk about bowels
at the dinner table.
My child is healthy.
- Excuse me? - He may not be with me tonight,
- but he's healthy and he's well-loved. - I didn't say he...
He's a well-loved boy and he's a happy boy
- and staying in an unhappy marriage... - Now is not the time or place...
...a marriage that I've outgrown,
a marriage full of ultimatums and numbness and resentment.
- Miranda! - That is not the kind of life
I want to model for my child!
That is not what I want him to believe married love is.
Look, I know what's possible,
I know what's out there for me because you taught me well.
You and Mom showed me what true love looks like.
So I chose not to settle and I'm happier for it,
even if I'm alone at Christmas.
My child is healthy and I'm happy.
You know, part of my happiness is
the fact that I got to repair a woman's bowel
and save her life today.
And that's God's work,
which makes this appropriate Christmas dinner conversation.
I'm happy, and my child is healthy,
and that's enough for me today.
Dad, that's enough.
- Uh, green beans, anyone? - Thank you.
Thanks.
OK, here I would advise a one-hand tie.
- OK, why don't I talk and you operate? - Good.
Last night was my last drink.
- The shaking will stop soon. - Good. Good for you.
That doesn't mean I have to quit drinking tequila. I really like tequila.
- It's New Year's Eve. - I know.
She shows no signs of leaving, no suitcase packed, nothing.
Talk to her right now or no more sex for you.
So, what you reading?
I can tell you don't really like me,
and, uh, your girlfriend's, like, totally freaked out by me
'cause I'm kind of, like, hotter than her.
But... I'm pregnant. Yeah.
I'm having a baby and, um...
That's why I dropped out of school and why my mom kicked me out.
Look, I know you don't owe me anything...
...but I can tell you guys are about to kick me out,
and I... I...
I don't have anywhere else to go.
Shh! Shh, shh...
It's OK. You're gonna be OK.
OK, he's in hypovolemic shock. He's lost too much blood.
We're gonna have to put a tube down his throat to help him breathe.
- Nicholas? - We need to tube him right now.
Don't tube him. Bag him until we get to the OR.
- The OR? - We finished the instruments.
- We did? - We're gonna operate.
I just need you to sign the consent form.
- Pretty dramatic timing, Dr. Shepherd. - I like to make an entrance.
It's OK.
Her kidneys are shutting down.
We need to find a donor. We needed to find one yesterday.
It's New Year's Eve, Dr. Yang.
You said I just had to make it to New Year's Eve.
Drunks all over the road, so, yeah.
Tonight's our best shot.
- How's it handling? - It could bend a little more gently.
Don't be all critical. The thing cost me a fortune.
At least one more day to practice.
OK. Inserting the clip applier.
Why don't you try torquing it a little bit, give it a different angle?
There you go.
OK. There it is.
- They're open. - OK.
Got it. That's the last clip.
- Oh, my God. - Ladies and gentlemen, we're done here.
- Nice work. Beautiful. - Oh, my God, you did it.
Amazing.
Hang on. Look at the clock.
That's seven, six...
Five... four...
Three... two... one...
Happy New Year!
- Happy New Year! - Happy New Year!
Happy New Year.
I'm just gonna take a listen.
- We're hitting the final wave. - I need to talk to you.
- I'm heading into the... - Now.
- What is wrong with you? - You.
- Me? - Yeah, you come over here...
- Why did you tell me this now? - Why do you even care?
You didn't say a thing all those times, all those years, so why now?
- I don't know. - You don't know?
What does it matter to you? You never felt the same way for me.
Of course I did!
Of course I did. I had all those feelings for you, Teddy, for years,
- but you never gave me anything. - You were engaged...
- You never gave me one damn hint!
You idiot.
I have loved you forever.
I have loved you when I was coupled up,
I have loved you when I was single.
I have loved you every second of every day.
- Teddy... - I love you. I'm in love with you.
I'm in love with Cristina.
You paged me?
I just confirmed a brain death on an 18-year-old female
involved in a head-on MVC earlier this evening. She's a match for Kelsey.
So I called UNOS, and they gave me the go-ahead for a directed donation.
Dr. Bailey will do the organ recovery and I set up OR 2 for Kelsey.
That is why New Year's Eve is my favorite holiday.
Stop it! This is not a celebration. Come here.
No! No, no, no, not my baby.
Please, not my daughter.
This is not a celebration.
No! No!
Your kidneys have stabilized and your vitals are stable,
and everything looks great.
Feel.
- Awesome, huh? - I can only feel your boob.
Hey!
- You want to feel? - Uh, no, but I will listen.
- Oh, my God! What are you doing? - What are you doing?
I know it's only been a couple of months...
And four dates. It's technically been four dates.
You amaze me every day.
And we went through a war together, we went through this together,
and we came out the other side.
And I think if we can get through this,
we can get through anything.
So marry me.
Please.
Yes, of course!
I'm...
...insensitive sometimes. Um...
But I'm not oblivious,
and I don't want you to be with me because you feel like you owe me
because you two went through war...
I want you. I want you because I want to be.
I want you because I love you.
Are you sure?
Every day we get to give the gift of life.
It can be painful, it can be terrifying.
But in the end, it's worth it.
Every time.
We all have the opportunity to give.
Maybe the gifts aren't as dramatic as what happens in the operating room.
- So how was New Year's Eve at Tucker's? - It was fine.
I kissed my grandson at midnight East Coast time and tucked him into bed.
OK. Uh, so you're headed home today?
- Mom's picking you up at the airport? - Yeah.
I, uh...
...tucked you in every night of your childhood.
- Dad... - I tucked you in,
and I kissed you good night
and I checked under the bed for bad guys.
And you went and grew up and got yourself a divorce...
...and didn't bother to tell me.
Dad, I didn't know how to... explain.
I didn't want to disappoint you. I didn't want to be judged.
I'm your father.
Can you imagine if Little Tuck grew up and got a divorce and didn't tell you?
Then I'm sorry, Dad. I'm... I'm so sorry.
Maybe the gift is to try and make a simple apology.
I'm never judging you.
I'm worrying about you. Your mother and I worry about you.
That's all.
Little Tuck, he's a real spitfire, isn't he?
- He is. - He sure is.
He doesn't seem too much worse for wear.
Maybe it's to understand another person's point of view.
Hey. I'm sorry that I paged you.
He's pretty public here,
and I know what that can do to his career.
I didn't know what else to do.
Maybe it's to hold a secret for a friend.
The joy supposedly is in the giving.
Meredith!
Happy New Year.
She's my star pupil, Joe.
She's my little star. And I'm so proud of her.
I am so very proud.
She will be a brilliant surgeon.
Brilliant.
Just like her mother.
So when the joy is gone...
Get Dr. Grey a drink, Joe.
Tequila!
...when the giving starts to feel more like a burden, that's when you stop.
And, um... I will have another... club soda.
But if you're like most people I know...
And it's on me. On me.
...you give till it hurts.
And then you give some more.